It’s been a really weird couple of months, and I’ve been a terrible writer through them.
It feels like I’ve been doing nothing at all, and it feels like I haven’t had a chance to sit down and breathe. It’s most likely a mix, and I’m just trying to make excuses in my head. It affected my writing, obviously, to the point where I’ve spent the last two weeks convincing myself that I’m a horrible writer, I’ll never get anywhere with my ramblings, I have no clue what I’m doing, no one is really listening, and I should just leave it.
I’m not going to do that, though. I’m going to try to keep at it, find my flow again, try to ignore writers block when it happens, and remember that I have great many things to rant about. I’m also not going to apologize. That might seem like something I should do, but I refuse. My life happened and that’s how it is. There was some really bad stuff going on, that completely drained me of anything I had I could have used to write. There was a lot of confusion and uncertainty regarding a bunch of things, medication, my spawn, my living situation, my family. All things that demanded my attention, so I gave it to them. I did my best to fix the things that was wrong, I did my best to fix my own head, I did my best to fix whatever is wrong with the creative goblin that resides in my head. It takes time, shit like that. I also had a fair deal of technical problems and that didn’t exactly help on motivation.
Some really great stuff happened too, and I gave it the attention I really wanted to give it. I’m still doing that, but with most of the bad stuff figured out and resolved, I have more space for writing. I’m not going to apologize for that either, because it makes me insanely happy, at a time where I really need it. It deserves attention, not only because it makes me happy, but because when the good stuff happens, you have to respect it. You have to care about it, you have to prioritize it. You need to appreciate it and cultivate it. You need to let yourself be happy. Even if it means ditching things for a little while, you sometimes just have to focus on what makes you smile, makes it easier to get out of bed, makes it easier to get through the shitty days.
(Yes, it’s totally a boy. No, I still wont apologize. Yes, I’m a complete teenager in my head. I love it.)
One of the major things you have to do to become successful, is to keep pumping out content. Not really care about quality, just get it out there.
Well, bite me. Nope. I wont do that. Will that hurt my efforts to get this thing to succeed? Probably. Do I give two shits about it? No. Behold, my field of fucks, and see that it is barren. It might be stupid, but there isn’t a lot of things I can be proud of. This is one where I really don’t want to compromise my pride, because I really do believe it helps me make my content better. If you’re not proud of what you’re doing, if the pride in your work doesn’t matter, then what the hell. What on earth are you doing? Why are you even doing it?
My pride is back. My drive is back. I have now emerged from the bubble called life, and boy, do I still have a lot to say. Getting back on track doesn’t seem like the biggest mountain to climb anymore, and I will get my flow back.
You’re not getting rid of me that easily.